Paranoid Personality Disorder|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in
Paranoid Personality Disorder's LiveJournal:
|Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010|
I'm 20 years old and I can sometimes be really paranoid. Not paranoid about other people "hating me" or anything like that... but paranoid that I am the only brain and other people aren't real, or people can read my head, or i put myself down. I know everyone feels this way sometimes, but i think we shouldn't get carried away with it.
In reality, i know that nobody knows. what i mean is, if someone has a delusional thought of someone doing something behind their back... you will never know. this could be that they really are doing something threatening.. or they really aren't. i usually come to find that they really aren't. i just blame society about this. i see people thinking the same way as me. people might think its not normal, but really its a part of human nature to be curious about the universe and the people/things in it and questioning their motives. its just that some people take it to the "extreme", whatever that is.
then i think why are mental illnesses not normal? society makes it seem that psychosis is not normal. but what really is. whatever thought someone has that is not "normal" and "delusional" is REAL to them, therefore it is real. people try who say things are normal are trying to find an objective in life that maybe does not exist. once you think about it, theories in science try to come to the objective. BUT a theory, in scienctific terms is said that nobody can PROVE it or DISPROVE it. that is why i wonder. i am applying science to how humans think. and i think that since humans think so subjectively, objective just DOES not exist.
because we have our own mind can somewhat prove this because everyone mind is in fact subjective. people look at their bodies different from how other people see it. anorexics see their body in a different extreme than other people see it. its all opinion, everything is opinion so i wonder if an objective to a situation in life really exists. how can we say someone is schizo because we are not seeing what they see? their minds are just wired differently, so that does not make them "wrong" or not "normal". it's their subjective taken to the extreme distorting their "reality". if we were all having delusions, then schizophrenia would not even be a mental disorder! having no delusions would be the disorder.
what is nice, is that though we are all subjective, we have our own struggles and somehow we can relate to the people we love. that is why we love our friends and feel close with certain people. it's just to know that your not the only one seeing things in a "weird" way. so whenever i freak myself out, i know that i really AM NOT ALONE. society made us have an ego. and ego as in "oh i'm better than this person because i fit in more" or "oh i can't join that club because i'm not as good or as smart as those people".... how do we REALLY know this?... we don't therefore an ego is kind of a delusion in itself. idk. its out there. but i don't care. but people who think that things are "WAY OUT THERE" have not stopped to think. we should live life a little more and not think way too much sometimes. we are all depressed in some way.. its a part of growing up. what we don't realize is that our minds are more powerful than we think. this can be a really good thing.
if we have a bad thought that we don't like (it can be conscious or subconscious) there is a way we can realize the thought. we can escape obsessive thoughts. it takes a little understanding of HOW the mind works and HOW to change our mind. just think... we have more subconscious than conscious in our heads. you just have to find a way to destroy the thought that is making us upset. our feelings come from thoughts.... or do our thoughts come from feelings? (well thats not get into that).
but anyway... a chemical reaction makes a thought... that thought gives us a feeling... we don't like this feeling so we must connect this thought with a different feeling, a feeling we like. this is why we must look at this thought in a different way. its not easy. if one can realize this and you are really hurting, you can change it if you really want to. i don't know how i think you must just look in yourself. its very hard so thats why i think doctors just give ya a quick fix pill to make a person feel better. its because society ALWAYS wants things faster. this doesn't mean you actually fix it, you just bury it. YOU can fix it, but only YOU can fix it. psychologists are there to try to open your mind to think your situation in a different light, they will give you the suggestion, but in reality they can not pick you up and change your thinking, ONLY YOU CAN. so when they feel you can't, they will just pop you a pill. we all have the mental ability to pick up, and we must also realize that things change all the time. i use to think things changing was a bad thing. most of us hate it because we dislike the unfamiliar. BUT if you think about it if nothing changed, even your mind, we would be stuck! so if you were stuck with these thoughts and your environment you would be stuck in your suffering. THANK god we have changes in our life, good and bad. with good comes bad, with bad comes good. at least when we grow older we see that the bad may not be SO bad and we build a tough heart and head to be able to handle it better because we somehow now what to expect.
if you don't like something, CHANGE IT. it easy to say than do. but you can do, why not?
my dad is a manic depressive. he is so trapped in his own mind and thinks "out there stuff" sometimes. he can't work or anything because of other physical problems so he is stuck inside all day in his head. my heart breaks for him. BUT lately he has been meditating and i got him a book about the mind that he has been reading. HE has been SO happy ever since. i'm wondering if these drugs he takes really helps. he is changing his way of thinking, trying to feel good. hes been relaxing and meditating and i see him being less manic and, idk, he just seems so happy. i suggest that people should STOP, get out of their heads sometimes, and just appreciate the fact, and hope, and realize that you DONT have to feel this way. you can change things. know that nothing is permanent. the way you feel one way is not how you will feel tomorrow. thats what gets me through bad times. but hey, who knows if this will work for anyone else, after all, it is my subjective ;).
|Thursday, November 12th, 2009|
On my way home.
Hi there! I have ppd and am learning how to manage it. Throughout my life I used lying to deal with the symptoms and appear as average as possible. Unfortunately I realized lying could get me the constant attention I so depserately craved. The lies got worse and worse over the past three years. Finally, the man I was dating passed away and I lost control of my tongue. I told people I'd been raped, I became depressed and suicidal. I want so desperately to be gone that I started telling people I was terminally ill.
I was diagnosed a pathological liar, yet still fed of the attention and grew depressed and terrified that they all knew. The clash between the two conditions drove me deeper in 'till I had a full mental break down. Many of my friends walked away and ignore me on the street still.
This was a year ago. Therapy has been rough at times. I had a hard time trusting the therapist at first. I had to deal with emotions regarding my parents and the boys I loved. I spent weeks in bed refusing to move. I wanted to die but I was so lucky to have a few friends who stood by me and stood as unwavering pillars. I decided to not be medicated at any point since I'd seen medication do harm to close friends. I have been going through this with phsychotherapy and taking better care of my health (excersize, vitamins, eating right) and keeping a few people close by.
I cannot tell you how grateful I am to have a friend who knows what is going on and will always answer or call me back so I don't have to panic. I always put up a Live Journal page so I can tell my friends what is happening thoughout the treatment and know how to help.
I feel it is so important to educate those around you so they understand what to and not do and can better help you.
This January I am having my first public art showing, something I've been terrified to do before this. I will never be a completely average person, but it's our flaws that make us unique. I also know, without ppd, I wouldn't have figured out so boldly who to trust and how to be a good person. Plus, I can know understand others better than ever before
The time I spent alone reading and recovering has taught me more than I could have asked for. I am sorry for all of the people I hurt and attacked in the process but it feels so good to wake up feel loved. You just have to tell people what you need and let them love you, even if it means answering your phone more often or going out when you can't. Some people won't forgive you and wont love you, but that just makes those who do all the more wonderful.
And follow your feelings, even if they aren't always pretty.
"“Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind."
|Friday, November 6th, 2009|
I don't post here often, but I made an intro post a while back; this might sound odd, but does anyone else get incredibly oversenstive hearing? I feel like my thoughts are screaming and all the sounds right now are echoing. It's freaking me out; is this a symptom of paranoia? Can I treat it?
|Wednesday, November 4th, 2009|
I don't know if this is linked to my paranoia/anxiety, but does anyone else on here get days where they're absolutely sure nothing is private?? I can't be in a car without...thinking to people; something in my head tells me that they can read my thoughts; I try to think the worst thing I can to see if I'll get a reaction out of them. I hate it; but I can't stop. If anyone else has done this...how do you stop?
|Monday, May 4th, 2009|
Hello people. This doesn't seem to be a very active community but I figured I would try it out anyways. I'm a 17 year old female, and I've had anxiety issues my whole life. Paranoia in the literal term is still questionable but I'm fairly certain what I have is worse than any general or social anxiety.
Often I have a weird feeling about...everything. I have trouble getting to sleep because I keep thinking if I do something terrible will happen. I walk out of a room and I hear whispering and therefore I must have done something wrong. Crowds of people scare me to death; I haven't quite pinpointed why...
And my neighbors stand outside talking and I kind of want to kill them. They are standing on our lawn, right across from my window. One of them paces outside at night whistling Oo My mother tells me to ignore it, that he's just a little weird. I keep a heavy iron bar with a hook just in case by my bed.
...Doctors I also distrust to an extent that my mother laughs at me for it... And I'll stop now. Because if I keep describing these things I will go on forever. A good day to you all and it's nice to meet you.
|Thursday, January 8th, 2009|
My name is Chip. I'm a 22 year old gay male. A couple weeks ago I was diagnosed with paranoid pd, and it sort of frames my life to make everything fit like a puzzle. I started medication a couple weeks ago and I'm still waiting for it to kick in. My doc started me off on 200mg/d Wellbutrin and 0.25g/d Rispirdal.
This is a disorder I've lived with probably for the past four or five years, but I never thought I had anything because my friends who were worried about me, who did indeed say I had SOMETHING, were believed to be targeting me. I was forced into therapy by them, and after I had a falling out, I went off the deep end. Then for the following three years, I self medicated with pot and any other drug I could get my hands on. Eventually I got arrested for possession, and through probation I quit all drugs out of my own volition; evidently, nothing good ever came of drugs, because I was back to my old crazy self and my personality did not improve, nor did it while I was smoking. Now that I'm past the long denial period, I am relieved to finally know what I can work on, and I'm making amends with all my old friends who deserve it. I could go on forever about all the angry reactions I've made while being hypersensitive to people, when it was very clear that something was in fact wrong with me, but I think I'd be talking to a wall seeing the activity of this community. I'll be watching to see if things ever pick up here because I'd really like to find someone to relate to. I do know how misdiagnosed this disease is, so it would be nice to see a buddy who I share things in common with.
|Thursday, December 25th, 2008|
Real or Not
I decided to come to this forum after experiencing wried thoughts in my nieghborhood. Before I got new blinds, I always thought that people were wacthing me ever since I found out that people could see a little into my room from the sides of my blinds. Each time I opened the blinds and looked through, I always thought that someone was yelling at me to not look through the blinds again. My mom said that I was imagining things and even if people were telling me not to look through, I should ignore them.
Some people from school know where I live due to walking in front of my front door (It has a huge glass window) down stairs. These people are the last people that I would want knowing where I live as they often picked on me due to being shy (someone got it into their head to think that by yelling at me all the time, it would help to get rid of my shy nature). It didn't help that I added a friend to my myspace and he read some of my blogs and told some of these people about my blogs. So now people think I'm a punk for having blogs and constantly like to tell that I shouldn't put my life story on the internet. Which isn't fair since I never did single anybody out in my blogs and what I put in my blogs isn't really as personal as these people like to think.
Back to the window. For a few days, I kept hearing these people walk up to my door and try to talk to me that way without knocking. Each time I finally looked outside, these people would be gone. Whenever I was in my room, it seemed like people were yelling at me to get me to come outside and talk to them. Of course whenever I looked outside, they were gone. But I would hear people talking about what I do in my room at school the next day. They have been talking about me for so long that even if I don't hear anything from them, I start panicking.
These thougts seem so real. So one day when I was getting dressed, I thought that I heard a bunch of people yelling at me for me to take off my clothes. Believing my mom that no one can see inside the windows, I got dressed while hearing these voices. Of course I checked the windows, trying to see if anybody could really see into my room. It was nerve racking getting dressed and when I was done, I didn't feel right.
A lot of my neighbors have a wacth on me becuase they know that I'm going through some problems. After trying to convince my mom that people could see through, she finally got some curtains for my window. Each time I look out now whenever I hear something, I don't see anything. But whenever I hear someone close their door when they get out of their cars, I hear people talking about me finally getting some new blinds and that they have pictures of me of when I was getting dressed. It's frustrating! Especially since I looked at my room from all types of angles and my mom and boyfriend said that nobody can see much of anything in my room.
Hearing things about naked pictures may acutally be some sort of paranoia that I'm going through due to having poor blinds and people knowing where I live and reading some of my blogs. My mom is making me delete my blogs. I've stopped doing my blogs on Myspace a long time ago. I really don't want to stop my Youtube blogs so I put everything to private and only send my videos to the friends I've made up there.
Plenty of people do blogs and nothing happen to them. One of my very religoius friends posts blogs on Myspace and is commanded for his work (believe me, his work is a lot more personal and deeper than whatever I have put online). A lot of people that I know of have no problem with me posting blogs. They see them as something innocent. It's not a crime to post blogs so I think I was a victum of idiots who wanted to convince me that posting blogs was harmful. If I ever start doing blogs again, I'll do it when I move out.
The neighbors have said to my mom that nobody has been by my door or house. I think what also happened was that I was taking some medicine for some anxiety problems and I just decided to cut them cold so I'm going through withdraw symptoms. What do some of you people do to get rid of thoughts that seem so real?
|Friday, October 22nd, 2004|
|Sunday, October 10th, 2004|
has any one else noticed that nearly all (and theres only about 5)the paranoia communities are dead? ive not been medically diagnosed with paranoia but i can feel its there. i guess im kinda paranoid about being paranoid. Current Mood: annoyed
|Monday, June 28th, 2004|
hey, i'm new to this community and i created it, just hoping it helps for others who suffer from the frustration of paranoia. thanks.