lilith40 (lilith40) wrote in paranoid_pd,

Real or Not


I decided to come to this forum after experiencing wried thoughts in my nieghborhood. Before I got new blinds, I always thought that people were wacthing me ever since I found out that people could see a little into my room from the sides of my blinds.  Each time I opened the blinds and looked through, I always thought that someone was yelling at me to not look through the blinds again. My mom said that I was imagining things and even if people were telling me not to look through, I should ignore them.

Some people from school know where I live due to walking in front of my front door (It has a huge glass window) down stairs.  These people are the last people that I would want knowing where I live as they often picked on me due to being shy (someone got it into their head to think that by yelling at me all the time, it would help to get rid of my shy nature).  It didn't help that I added a friend to my myspace and he read some of my blogs and told some of these people about my blogs.  So now people think I'm a punk for having blogs and constantly like to tell that I shouldn't put my life story on the internet.  Which isn't fair since I never did single anybody out in my blogs and what I put in my blogs isn't really as personal as these people like to think.

Back to the window. For a few days, I kept hearing these people walk up to my door and try to talk to me that way without knocking.  Each time I finally looked outside, these people would be gone.  Whenever I was in my room, it seemed like people were yelling at me to get me to come outside and talk to them.  Of course whenever I looked outside, they were gone.  But I would hear people talking about what I do in my room at school the next day. They have been talking about me for so long that even if I don't hear anything from them, I start panicking.

These thougts seem so real.  So one day when I was getting dressed, I thought that I heard a bunch of people yelling at me for me to take off my clothes.  Believing my mom that no one can see inside the windows, I got dressed while hearing these voices. Of course I checked the windows, trying to see if anybody could really see into my room.  It was nerve racking getting dressed and when I was done, I didn't feel right.

A lot of my neighbors have a wacth on me becuase they know that I'm going through some problems. After trying to convince my mom that people could see through, she finally got some curtains for my window. Each time I look out now whenever I hear something, I don't see anything.  But whenever I hear someone close their door when they get out of their cars, I hear people talking about me finally getting some new blinds and that they have pictures of me of when I was getting dressed.  It's frustrating!  Especially since I looked at my room from all types of angles and my mom and boyfriend said that nobody can see much of anything in my room.

Hearing things about naked pictures may acutally be some sort of paranoia that I'm going through due to having poor blinds and people knowing where I live and reading some of my blogs.  My mom is making me delete my blogs.  I've stopped doing my blogs on Myspace a long time ago. I really don't want to stop my Youtube blogs so I put everything to private and only send my videos to the friends I've made up there. 

Plenty of people do blogs and nothing happen to them.  One of my very religoius friends posts blogs on Myspace and is commanded for his work (believe me, his work is a lot more personal and deeper than whatever I have put online).  A lot of people that I know of have no problem with me posting blogs.  They see them as something innocent.  It's not a crime to post blogs so I think I was a victum of idiots who wanted to convince me that posting blogs was harmful.  If I ever start doing blogs again, I'll do it when I move out. 

The neighbors have said to my mom that nobody has been by my door or house.  I think what also happened was that I was taking some medicine for some anxiety problems and I just decided to cut them cold so I'm going through withdraw symptoms.  What do some of you people do to get rid of thoughts that seem so real?
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